Floating

I used to be a swimming instructor. I started doing it as voluntary work when I was 16 and when I was 20 I started doing it as a paying job while I was studying at uni. I loved everything about it.

I loved seeing children progress and teaching them lifesaving skills, I loved correcting and encouraging it was a job where there was never a day that was “work”.

At the end of each lesson I would dive down to the bottom of the pool, touch it with my hands and come back up. At first I used to do it to refresh myself and my chlorine crunchy hair but then I came to love the moments of silence…pure silence in a noisy leisure centre where it was just me and my thoughts and the feeling of weightlessness in the water as I glided through it.

I’ve always been a water baby, so was my dad. Infact I’ve always thought people tend to be more of a runner or a swimmer and  I am definitely no runner. As a bigger person there is a freedom of movement that comes with being immersed in the water, a support of all your limbs where if you get tired all you need to do is float.

Head back in the water, legs up, relax and float no feeling like it.

These past few weeks have been tough my life has been operating on the anything that can go wrong has been going wrong- I’m seriously not kidding I am currently writing this on a Laptop where the screen has come completely off on one side (thank god for my neurotic need to get a 36 month warranty) and that has been the least of it. I have found myself not liking who I am.

Physically I’m unhappy, my leg seems to be swelling ridiculously again and I have become that horrible person who snaps at her husband for no real reason (though he claims this isn’t the case). I am not being the best version of myself and I find myself craving.

Craving the water, craving emersion, craving weightlessness.

Maybe I’m like one of those animals who needs to be in water often so I don’t dehydrate I don’t know. What I do know is that I am soooo yearning for this Christmas break. I need to rest and relax and turn my brain off.

But mostly I just need to float.

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