The Show Must Go On -Conversations With Death

The Show must go on!
Inside my heart is breaking!
My make-up may be flaking…
But my smile, still, stays on!

The black dress with the purple flowers. There are not words for how much the golden haired girl hates the black dress with the purple flowers she really doesn’t want to wear it but knows better than to argue with her mother on this day.

The house feels quiet, eerie and still. She sits on the floor in front of her sister who brushes and fixes her hair for her, even putting in her own purple scrunchie that the golden haired girl has never been allowed to wear before.

The sky outside seems to know that it’s a sad day the blue has been banished hidden behind shades of gray. The day feels hazy almost as though none of this is actually happening. She remembers meeting the priest who tells her he wished he could have met her under different circumstances. She looks at him but it’s like her mouth cannot form words, she swallows and nods.

The rain sprinkles on the windscreen as the car pulls away from the cemetary. She finds herself the only child in a house full of adults and flowers and food. Her sisters go out with their friends and her mother sits in the kitchen sharing stories and laughs with her aunty so the golden haired girl sits on the lounge room floor in the ugly black dress with purple flowers and plays Sega Master System II trying desperately to kill the Octopus in Alex Kidd in Miracle World. Her brothers friend who is secretly in love with her sister comes and sits with her, he shows her how to kill the Octopus.

She misses her father, she sees the sadness in her mothers eyes and she thinks maybe she should have prayed harder. She thanked god every night for her family and her life and for the time that her parents took her to the circus and all she hoped for was that god would make her daddy better. She learns that day that praying and wishing doesn’t change that sometimes people die.

The rain continues to drizzle, the people empty out, the food goes, the flowers wilt all that is left is the sadness, a dead octopus and that ugly dress.

<Linking up with the amazingly talented Josefa from Always Josefa for Conversations Over Coffee- Conversations With Death>

Conversations over coffee - always josefa


10 thoughts on “The Show Must Go On -Conversations With Death

  1. It is a very hard lesson to learn, isn’t it, that not all prayers are answered.

    Beautifully shared, Rachael, for what must have been very difficult to write. I feel so sad for the golden hair girl but, look at her now…


  2. What a beautiful, yet very sad story. Thank you for sharing such a private moment with us. A very hard moment for a little girl to endure in life, actually a hard moment for anyone to endure in life. Sending you my love and light, even though years have passed, I know that the sadness doesn’t change xx Thank you for being such a wonderful part of Conversations with Coffee this year, your stories have been an absolute pleasure to read and to share ~ Josefa

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