Suprise Suprise

The Prompt for The Lounge this week is A post that suprised you.

I wrote a post for Conversations with the Mirror a few months ago and realised it was the first time I truly revealed myself- a revelation so big for me that these were things I had never admitted outloud.

I have cut and posted it below so you guys can get a glimpse …..

Bathroom door locked in a house full of people a 13 year girl stares at her naked body. She pushes her long golden hair up in a ponytail and surveys the damage in front of her.

Her eyes take in the slightly tanned, barely freckled face, long eyelashes framing her bright eyes, straight teeth, clear skin and a long neck.

Her eyes travel down. Her posture is perfect, years of training, shoulders back and tanned. A cossie mark the trademark of an Aussie summer.

Her eyes flit quickly over the swell of her breasts down to the curve of her waist and hips which deceit the eyes into believing that she is older than her 13 years. She is slim and healthy and yet feels Fat because unlike her friends at school her body has progressed through puberty. She is not a little girl anymore, she is an adolescent, a youth, a young lady.

Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the fairest one of all?

In an empty house a 17 year old girl stares at her naked body in the bathroom with the door wide open. Her eyes look over the same skin, teeth,eyes though there is more roundness to the face now. The neck not quite as long.

Her hands move to her waist she watches as those hands squeeze into the flesh to see what she would look like if she was slimmer. She then does something she vows never to tell anyone about. She grabs a roll of masking tape and wraps it around and around and around herself as tight as she possibly can. When she’s finished she looks at her wrapped body and wishes that she could look that streamlined all day everyday.

She unwraps herself and hides the evidence before anyone can come home and see what she has done to herself.

Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all?

A woman in her mid 20’s stands in a steaming hot shower scrubbing every inch of her plus size body with a nail brush so hard her skin feels raw under the extremely hot water.

She steps out on the bathmat and roughly dries herself she uses her towel to wipe away the steam and then again stares at herself. Her eyes swollen and red with tears she looks at her skin, the rolls, the expansive amount of creamy white flesh.

She understands now why he chose to be with someone else. She knows that the way she looks obviously was the reason he chose to be with someone else.

She takes one last look at her reflection and vows never to stare at herself again. She never likes what she sees anyway.

Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all?

A 30 year old woman sits naked on a towel covered chair in the bathroom listening to Coldplays In My Place. As she mixes hair dye she loses herself in the lyrics she looks at herself shyly while she applies Ravishing Ruby to the long locks that have not been golden in a while.

The boldness of the hair colour matches the boldness of the deep red lipstick still staining her lips from that mornings application. The woman long obsessed with all things vintage is now recognising that she is going to be on the outside who she feels she is on the inside.

She looks down her body as little bits of red hair dye drip onto chest and stomach. There is still expansive amounts of creamy white flesh but they are changing, her body is changing, it’s learning to move again. It’s learning to respect itself again. It’s getting healthy again.

She stares harder and longer she knows that someday hopefully in the not too distant future her body will change again and house a baby or maybe babies. That her body is finding it’s function as well as it’s beauty.

Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all? I am, you are, we all are we just have to love ourselves to realise it.


10 thoughts on “Suprise Suprise

  1. Did you delete the comments? I’m sure I commented on this before – was wondering what I said. Anyway, hopefully not repeating myself (but probably am) I like the bit about function as well as beauty – we do tend to forget that, don’t we?

  2. this post is superb. What a wonderful writer you are. It took a lot of courage to write this and it’s just beautiful. Good on you.

    – I’m usually better. I’m kind of speechless. I have a 5 year old girl, a gorgeous wife who struggles with her self-esteem and I teach teenagers – this was really poignant to me. I just can’t adequately explain why!

  3. I love how you showed the progression through the years. I wish that there was no such thing as body image, that we could all just be hardwired to love our bodies. I hope that you continue to see your body for it’s strengths.

    Thanks for linking up with us at The Lounge!

  4. Beautiful post. I loved it – and hated that so many of us girls feel that way throughout our lives. It makes me ache for young women everywhere that they don’t love themselves as they are, every day.

    We all have different things we don’t like about ourselves but for me, I think turning 25 and then 30 was an eye opening experience for me. I just felt more comfortable in my skin then than I ever had before. I don’t know if that is a natural shift from adolescence, or (more likely) seeing myself through others’ eyes, and through my then and now partner. I continue to like myself more every year. How I wish I’d had half that confidence at age 13.

    A lesson to support our daughters and nieces and all young women we know so that they feel beautiful every day.

  5. I adore this post. The way you write about the struggles that many of us have with our body image is just so real. I’d love to see this post published somewhere mainstream.- I think many people would benefit from reading it.
    Over the years I’ve love/hated my body. Learning to respect it is a life lesson.
    Excellent post!

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