Cause I’m Mr Brightside

Sometimes we get overwhelmed with our sense of failure within.

Obese- Fail.

Poor Performance at work- Fail.

Bloodclot in my leg- Health Fail.

Rainbow swirl cake- minor fail

Financial worries- Fail.

1 pink strip instead of 2- Family fail.

2013 has not been the greatest of years for me in so many ways.

This reached breaking point on Saturday when after a week of nausea and vomiting and a period that was 6 days late I peed on a stick and was reminded once again to never get my hopes up on naturally conceiving with PCOS.

I threw myself a pity party hubby tried to tell me that it was ok that I’m too hard on myself and that it will happen when it’s meant to but for the first time in my life I felt like a complete failure. Everyone else we know seems to just say lets have a baby and they fall pregnant (I know realistically this is not true and people are usually and unfortunately quiet about their fertility troubles) and the only thing I have ever known about me is that I want so much to be a mum and I think I will be a GREAT mum- not to mention how incredible a dad hubby is going to be.

Rach of old would have used this to go to bed and avoid the family picnic we had that day. Rach of old would have desperately found a way to get out of the hubbys birthday drinks that night.

Rach of new stepped into the shower with the music blaring (no it was in no way Glee that was blaring….stop badgering me I denied it ok) and gave in completely to the sadness- 20 minutes of hardcore sobbing where your tears run and you can’t tell where they stop and the shower water begins. Had myself a big cry and took the advice of a Cameron Crowe character “Enjoy it, embrace it, discard …and proceed” and so I did.

Because if we look at it failure is just success turned inside out. Because in 2013 I have taken steps and leaps and jumps to change so many aspects of my life.

I am obese- but not for much longer.

A job is just that and I need to remember that- I am more important, my health and happiness are more important.

A quick look at Pinterest Fail makes my rainbow swirl cake look amazing in comparison.

Financial issues are so close to being completely sorted out that I need to stress less and put this into perspective.

Starting a family is absolutely a goal but I also really wanna be in my best health when I undergo that step and I’m really not there yet so I am going to concentrate on an extended honeymoon with hubby first.

So for all the ass kickings that 2013 has given me it really has given me the gift of Perspective.

with the hubby

with the hubby

not how i wanted it to look

not how i wanted it to look

not as swirly as i hoped

not as swirly as i hoped

we cry so we can smile

we cry so we can smile

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT cause that’s where the cool kids are at

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22 thoughts on “Cause I’m Mr Brightside

  1. I think your cake is amazing – I would have been very proud of that !!!!
    You are right – it’s about getting things in perspective. I had a ‘woe is me’ weekend and A tried to get me out of it by having things to do that we had to go out for – but all I wanted to do was stay at home and be a sook. We compromised – did some things out and then came home and I had a sleep and felt heaps better afterwards. For me, being tired makes me really cranky and I just want to stay at home whereas because he is away so much – when he is home he wants to go to all his usual shopping centres to see what has changed while he has been away.
    I hope all your plans fall into place in the time frame that is right for you !
    Have the best day !
    Me

  2. Yay for perspective !! And Glee! And Pinterest fails.
    I actually don’t like the word fail. Gone from my self talk vocab. Not ever a failure … just a different result. May not be the result you were hoping for, but still a result none-the-less. Learn from that result. Stop, take stock, adjust and move forward. Just like you’re doing!
    Cheers to 2013
    I bet you’ll have lots to celebrate by the end.
    Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit

  3. The cake looks sensational! I would be happy with any result – it will still taste the same so good on you for trying (and succeeding in my book)!
    All the best for the future to you. I shall have my fingers crossed for a brighter future sent your way.
    A brave post. 😀

    • Thank you so much Jody xxx hubby actually got a little emotional he was out when i was making it and got the text saying I’m crap lets just buy a cake and he told me he was just so touched that all the effort was for him. xx

  4. It’s hard to leave comment with the appropriate gravity but I’m really happy for you that you found your path again. I don’t think there’s anything to be gained from holding everything in, hoping it will go away, because usually it does not. Acknowledge, allow yourself that sob and find the freedom to move on afterward. PS ‘Cake fail’ is a mood booster any time at all 🙂 #teamIBOT

  5. Oh Rach I am so sorry. 😦 I can’t even begin to imagine how dissappointing that must have been for you.
    Good on you though for picking yourself up again. That takes incredible strength and makes you the exact opposite of a failure

  6. Honey, you look amazing, that cake looks amazing, and your spirit and positive attitude is what the world needs more of. I know you have dreams and hopes for different things in your life, but I’ll keep believing that it will come to you. Sending you hugs and happiness x

  7. Wow I have to say that cakes looks pretty darn good to me. I’m not saying this is you, but my sis has a really hard time accepting how amazing, clever, pretty she is, and is constantly trying to improve herself, or feeling depressed at some imagined “fail.” I hope you continue to look for the positives in your life – I am sure the people who love you would love for you to realise how special and talented you are – and I know from experience that a positive mental state is so important for achieving your goals – even pregnancy. Keep it up and the world will be your oyster!

  8. It’s hard when you see that 1 line staring at you, but that does not make you or any of us failures. I think of it as testing my patience like my future kids will! I don’t usually tell anyone other than the hubby, nor do I really let on just how scared I am that it might not happen for us. Thank you for being honest and open – dont ever think of anything you do as a fail.
    xx
    Spaz

  9. Gee you’re awesome – I really feel uplifted reading that! And your cake is bloody fantastic! I bet it’s hard with the baby thing, I am grateful I have never known such frustration… despite the fact I too have PCOS. Hang in there, and GO YOU for having a fun night instead of staying at home and having a pity party for one 🙂 xx

  10. you are a whole lot of not fails – keep remembering that. you bring lots and lots of sunshine, and you are working so hard to make changes and improvements. so just keep swimming babe, everything in its time xx

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