Sometimes we get overwhelmed with our sense of failure within.
Poor Performance at work- Fail.
Bloodclot in my leg- Health Fail.
Rainbow swirl cake- minor fail
Financial worries- Fail.
1 pink strip instead of 2- Family fail.
2013 has not been the greatest of years for me in so many ways.
This reached breaking point on Saturday when after a week of nausea and vomiting and a period that was 6 days late I peed on a stick and was reminded once again to never get my hopes up on naturally conceiving with PCOS.
I threw myself a pity party hubby tried to tell me that it was ok that I’m too hard on myself and that it will happen when it’s meant to but for the first time in my life I felt like a complete failure. Everyone else we know seems to just say lets have a baby and they fall pregnant (I know realistically this is not true and people are usually and unfortunately quiet about their fertility troubles) and the only thing I have ever known about me is that I want so much to be a mum and I think I will be a GREAT mum- not to mention how incredible a dad hubby is going to be.
Rach of old would have used this to go to bed and avoid the family picnic we had that day. Rach of old would have desperately found a way to get out of the hubbys birthday drinks that night.
Rach of new stepped into the shower with the music blaring (no it was in no way Glee that was blaring….stop badgering me I denied it ok) and gave in completely to the sadness- 20 minutes of hardcore sobbing where your tears run and you can’t tell where they stop and the shower water begins. Had myself a big cry and took the advice of a Cameron Crowe character “Enjoy it, embrace it, discard …and proceed” and so I did.
Because if we look at it failure is just success turned inside out. Because in 2013 I have taken steps and leaps and jumps to change so many aspects of my life.
I am obese- but not for much longer.
A job is just that and I need to remember that- I am more important, my health and happiness are more important.
A quick look at Pinterest Fail makes my rainbow swirl cake look amazing in comparison.
Financial issues are so close to being completely sorted out that I need to stress less and put this into perspective.
Starting a family is absolutely a goal but I also really wanna be in my best health when I undergo that step and I’m really not there yet so I am going to concentrate on an extended honeymoon with hubby first.
So for all the ass kickings that 2013 has given me it really has given me the gift of Perspective.
Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT cause that’s where the cool kids are at