I Want the Fire Back

I touch the Fire and it freezes me, I look into it and it’s black. Why Can’t I feel? My skin should crack and peel…..I want the fire back

The paint fumes reside heavily in my nostrils and all of a sudden I’m 19 again standing in an empty freshly painted townhouse in an extremely underprivileged suburb that I was helping turn into a new community centre to help the residents with their health needs, study needs, housing needs and general well being.

I was a uni student on my first placement…I was going to make a difference, I was going to change the world, I was going to be the change you see in the world all wrapped up in my 19 year old ideals and rose coloured glasses.

I was full of fire and passion and optimism and somewhere along the way the flame burned right down to barely a spark in a hearth. The girl who outwardly challenged peoples views on politics and womens rights and abortions and was well versed and well read on human rights and empowerment became the woman who only reads the paper for the entertainment section.

I was/am complacent, still working in a role where I help people overcome their personal barriers but complacent about being the change I wanted to see, pfft I couldn’t see anything, I was blind and totally ignorant about the blindness until a reporter dared to question the sexuality of the Prime Ministers main man and then it was like someone poured kerosene and whoosh the flame came back.

I have spent so much time working on my health and my weight and now it’s time to feed my soul, to find what will keep the flame alight and pour myself into it whatever that may be.

Linking up with Jess Because IBOT…….what’s the change you want to see or be in the world?

P.p.s Bonus points for anyone who recognised the song lyrics from Buffy the Musical Episode xx

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35 thoughts on “I Want the Fire Back

  1. No bonus points here. I am in a very sad state of the recent legal (race) issues in the US. How are we still living like that? What sort of evolved civilization are we? Clearly not quite as evolved as I naively thought.

  2. oh love I hear you! I want my fire back too! I used to be someone who could run an entire organisation, deal with 2000 parents (the parents of our members), conduct board meetings, meet with sponsors, I want to do all that again! I have become very lazy and complacent, happy to just chug along! Hope you find your fire love xo

  3. Ha! I started singing that song in my head as soon as I saw the title of your post – so bonus points for me!

    I think it’s so important to approach your health as a whole – good luck with it all.

  4. No bonus points for me either.
    One change I would like to see, which I believe we all have influence in, is to bring kindness back.Kind deeds, kind words, being respectful of views. Not so long ago 25 people could attend a dinner party, all with different points of view, political affiliations, parenting styles.. and all get along. Now, it is a competition to one-up, to put down, to convert, to ridicule. I want some basic respect for other peoples views and beliefs brought back

    • Lisa I read your comment while nodding my head you are completely right….it’s a sad day when everything becomes a competition to prove that we know best….hubby and I are the last to have kids (in the next year hopefully) but my sister and I were talking the other night her kids are teenagers and she told me that there are so many parents who will do anything to prove their way of parenting is best and I said to her “Bub I’m not going to make your mistakes when I’m a parent….I’m going to make brand new ones”. Kindness and and understanding seem to be lacking but I truly love what fires you up xxx

  5. Flames do flicker and wane, and then burst back with the right fuel.
    The work that I do, I love, but at the moment I’m pretty bla about it. Probably because like you, I am putting a lot of effort into my personal life – health and fitness, the kids, house (bloody house)! It’s hard, but I know that like you, the flame will come back bigger and brighter than ever.

    Best wishes

  6. I’m more of a week on/week off girl. Some weeks I’m pumped and firing on all cylinders and reaching for the stars and other weeks I retreat. I reckon just set yourself an amazing personal goal, feel the fear, and do it anyway πŸ˜‰

  7. Yep, I know what it’s like to lose that fire – try working for a government department for any length of time and watch it get extinguished. Anybody with passion has to move on because they just can’t bear it!

    Visiting from #TeamIBOT xxx

  8. Yep I started singing the song as soon as I saw the title πŸ™‚
    I think at 19 we are all really gung ho, and then we grow up and become jaded and realistic. Somewhere along the line we need to blend the enthusiasm of youth with the wisdom of age, and then I fully believe we can take the world by storm

  9. I hear you. Life seems to have gotten in the way of passion and purpose somehow..but I think that is mostly because I am able to see the passion and purpose in the everyday things I do.
    Being a wife and mum, the most important things I can do…

  10. I hear you – I think we all go through times when we are really passionate about making changes to the environment / outside influences – and then life seems to take over and we get caught up in our own little world.
    Good luck with keeping that firing burning, while moving forward.
    Have the best week !
    Me

  11. You got to follow your passions. Even if it means a different direction than from where you set off. Good luck. xx

  12. I fail at the bonus points, unless it’s Dora or Wiggles then I rock. Life has a habit of kicking us in the guts and pouring cold water on the fire however as long as it’s smouldering it can re-ignite. Allow it to simmer, heat up and pooofff it’ll be back. In the meantime it’s good to rest and gather strength and allow the world a chance to be ready for you. Oohhh watch out world. πŸ™‚

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