Who’s the Fairest One of All- Conversations with the Mirror

Bathroom door locked in a house full of people a 13 year girl stares at her naked body. She pushes her long golden hair up in a ponytail and surveys the damage in front of her.

Her eyes take in the slightly tanned, barely freckled face, long eyelashes framing her bright eyes, straight teeth, clear skin and a long neck.

Her eyes travel down. Her posture is perfect, years of training, shoulders back and tanned. A cossie mark the trademark of an Aussie summer.

Her eyes flit quickly over the swell of her breasts down to the curve of her waist and hips which deceit the eyes into believing that she is older than her 13 years. She is slim and healthy and yet feels Fat because unlike her friends at school her body has progressed through puberty. She is not a little girl anymore, she is an adolescent, a youth, a young lady.

Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the fairest one of all?

In an empty house a 17 year old girl stares at her naked body in the bathroom with the door wide open. Her eyes look over the same skin, teeth,eyes though there is more roundness to the face now. The neck not quite as long.

Her hands move to her waist she watches as those hands squeeze into the flesh to see what she would look like if she was slimmer. She then does something she vows never to tell anyone about. She grabs a roll of masking tape and wraps it around and around and around herself as tight as she possibly can. When she’s finished she looks at her wrapped body and wishes that she could look that streamlined all day everyday.

She unwraps herself and hides the evidence before anyone can come home and see what she has done to herself.

Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all?

A woman in her mid 20’s stands in a steaming hot shower scrubbing every inch of her plus size body with a nail brush so hard her skin feels raw under the extremely hot water.

She steps out on the bathmat and roughly dries herself she uses her towel to wipe away the steam and then again stares at herself. Her eyes swollen and red with tears she looks at her skin, the rolls, the expansive amount of creamy white flesh.

She understands now why he chose to be with someone else. She knows that the way she looks obviously was the reason he chose to be with someone else.

She takes one last look at her reflection and vows never to stare at herself again. She never likes what she sees anyway.

Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all?

A 30 year old woman sits naked on a towel covered chair in the bathroom listening to Coldplays In My Place. As she mixes hair dye she loses herself in the lyrics she looks at herself shyly while she applies Ravishing Ruby to the long locks that have not been golden in a while.

The boldness of the hair colour matches the boldness of the deep red lipstick still staining her lips from that mornings application. The woman long obsessed with all things vintage is now recognising that she is going to be on the outside who she feels she is on the inside.

She looks down her body as little bits of red hair dye drip onto chest and stomach. There is still expansive amounts of creamy white flesh but they are changing, her body is changing, it’s learning to move again. It’s learning to respect itself again. It’s getting healthy again.

She stares harder and longer she knows that someday hopefully in the not too distant future her body will change again and house a baby or maybe babies. That her body is finding it’s function as well as it’s beauty.

Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all? I am, you are, we all are we just have to love ourselves to realise it.

pinup rach

<Linking up with the lovely Always Josefa for Conversations Over Coffee>

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9 thoughts on “Who’s the Fairest One of All- Conversations with the Mirror

  1. Rachel, I am loving the posts you share when you are really opening up (and blossoming as a writer). Tell me, did the seventeen year old want to be seen? She left the door open to be caught? To be helped?

    So lovely to see you getting closer and closer to your goals, through so much hard work. Blossoming, you are. Blossoming.

    • I love that you read this Kate and read into it as well. I used only shower with the door open when I was home by myself so maybe it was the only time I felt open about what I really saw in the mirror (I should say by the time I was 17 it was just girls in our house lol 2 of my sisters and my mumma)

  2. What a heartbreaking, incredible story – you had me holding my breathe in anticipation fo what would happen next! you are gorgeous and I mean that in a way that is not only skin deep – I love reading your posts and I love that you share your story with my link – up Thank you so much for joining in with #convocoffee – I loved this Josefa xx

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