I want to start this weeks IBOT post with a big thank you to all the support I got after last weeks post. I hesitated about writing it but I found writing it healing and was overwhelmed with the support and positivity you all gave me. So THANK YOU.
Saturday night we had a friends 30th birthday and as much as I wanted to go to see our friends inner Rach was scuffing her feet and hesitating. My husband has long bragged that I am the strange woman that can be ready to go out in 10 minutes but on Saturday I may have taken a bit longer.
I may have jumped in the shower 20 minutes before we had to leave…..I may have washed my hair which is incredibly long and curly and may take 20 minutes to brush so already we are late.
Chris meanwhile is already dressed sitting on the couch waiting.
I decide I need to have a full face of make up almost as though the covering will shield me from anything coming my way.
Poor Chris still waiting, we may be now 40 minutes late.
Then I decided I couldn’t possibly go with bare nails… 2 coats of OPI Russian Navy and another 25 minutes (I had to make sure it was dry).
Chris still sitting on the couch, still waiting and not complaining. He knows why I am dragging my feet.
Finally I am dressed and ready to go only an hour and a half late. We Drive 10 minutes to the local club where everyone is meeting and drinking. We walk in me clutching his hand to the point of cutting off of his circulation and that is when it occurs to me. I am walking taller and I no longer get breathless walking short distances. I can handle this.
I sit down and for the first few minutes I am anxious and then something happens I exhale and it’s like Rach is in the building. I find myself telling the friend sitting next to me about how I have become a gangsta rapper…..he agrees to be my beatboxer and I laugh genuinely and loud and from then on I feel comfortable.
I know that there is a long way to go until I feel comfortable straight away in every social circumstance, heck first I need to come to the stage when I feel physically comfortable without other people around. But I am getting there and I am refusing to give up this time. Which makes all the difference.
I’m back in the saddle again and change is hard absolutely. Is it worth it ? Absolutely. Am I worth it? ABSOLUTELY!
<Linking up with Essentially Jess cause IBOT>