Back In The Saddle Again

I want to start this weeks IBOT post with a big thank you to all the support I got after last weeks post. I hesitated about writing it but I found writing it healing and was overwhelmed with the support and positivity you all gave me. So THANK YOU.

Saturday night we had a friends 30th birthday and as much as I wanted to go to see our friends inner Rach was scuffing her feet and hesitating. My husband has long bragged that I am the strange woman that can be ready to go out in 10 minutes but on Saturday I may have taken a bit longer.

I may have jumped in the shower 20 minutes before we had to leave…..I may have washed my hair which is incredibly long and curly and may take 20 minutes to brush so already we are late.

Chris meanwhile is already dressed sitting on the couch waiting.

I decide I need to have a full face of make up almost as though the covering will shield me from anything coming my way.

Poor Chris still waiting, we may be now 40 minutes late.

Then I decided I couldn’t possibly go with bare nails… 2 coats of OPI Russian Navy and another 25 minutes (I had to make sure it was dry).

Chris still sitting on the couch, still waiting and not complaining. He knows why I am dragging my feet.

Finally I am dressed and ready to go only an hour and a half late. We Drive 10 minutes to the local club where everyone is meeting and drinking. We walk in me clutching his hand to the point of cutting off of his circulation and that is when it occurs to me. I am walking taller and I no longer get breathless walking short distances. I can handle this.

I sit down and for the first few minutes I am anxious and then something happens I exhale and it’s like Rach is in the building. I find myself telling the friend sitting next to me about how I have become a gangsta rapper…..he agrees to be my beatboxer and I laugh genuinely and loud and from then on I feel comfortable.

I know that there is a long way to go until I feel comfortable straight away in every social circumstance, heck first I need to come to the stage when I feel physically comfortable without other people around. But I am getting there and I am refusing to give up this time. Which makes all the difference.

I’m back in the saddle again and change is hard absolutely. Is it worth it ? Absolutely. Am I worth it? ABSOLUTELY!

navy nails loving them

navy nails loving them

hanging with friends

hanging with friends

most amazing hubby

most amazing hubby

waiting for the day when everyday me looks like selfie me- ABSOLUTELY

waiting for the day when everyday me looks like selfie me- ABSOLUTELY

<Linking up with Essentially Jess cause IBOT>

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36 thoughts on “Back In The Saddle Again

  1. So glad you went out ad how amazing is Chris waiting patiently, sensitive to what is going through your mind (and I have got to get tat nail polish. Navy is my fave colour and I have other blue polishes but not navy) xxxx deb

  2. Do you think other animals think like this? Or do just humans get plagued with insecurities? (am asking, not making fun). I too am plagued with insecurities, yet when I say I’m shy, friends will argue with me (that I’m not). Half of what goes on in our head never even makes itself obvious to the outside world…

    • I completely agree Lydia people always seem to think I’m really confident the opposite seems to be the truth. You have now made me think whether insecurity is a human thing or not….very thought provoking

  3. Isn’t it funny that those us us who appear the most confident to others are often hiding so much self doubt on the inside. You should be very proud of yourself for being brave, facing your fears and and getgting back in the saddle! Wishing you well with the NEXT size smaller on your health journey 🙂

  4. I haven’t read last week’s post so will have to go back and check it out. I think this is the first time I’ve come across your blog, but I feel those insecurities a lot too. It’s been a long time since I’ve just gone out and been ME.

    Looking forward to checking out your blog more!

  5. It’s like a cloud of sadness descends when I read how other people upset you and speak cruelly about you, to then make you doubt yourself. Here you are, so so wonderful and lovely. Effervescent and delightful. Fighting silent battles and winning. Turning your life around and doing it so spectacularly. Every time you hear those voices of doubt overcoming you, imagine me saying to you that you’re awesome and then imagine I’m giving you a glass of L&P and we’re on the bus singing ‘Prisoner of Society’ xx

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