I’ve been down this road
Walking the line that’s painted by pride
And i have made mistakes in my life that i just can’t hide
I’ve had the theme to Ally McBeal stuck in my head the past couple of days just the first 3 lines. Because that’s what being a fat girl feels like, like you are wearing your mistakes on your body for the whole world to see. Add to the already evident body issues with a blood clot that is 17cm long in my left leg and throw in a severely bruised stomach that is sporting rock hard golf ball lumps from the blood thinners and you could be mistaken for thinking that Rach is throwing a pity party for herself.
Last night in bed the tears came unexpectantly thick and fast. Chris hugged me and asked what was wrong and I said I had had enough. I am sick of having an aching and swollen leg. I am sick of being injected twice a day. I hate that everytime I bend my stomach is an agony of bruises and lumps.
I fell asleep to a Bradley Cooper film (mmmmm Bradley Cooper) and woke up in a cranky hellish mood (a real rarity to anyone who knows me they are like eclipses rare and you just can’t look away). I spent the day engrossed in work and sending emails to my gorgeous work pal Lyndal (everyone knows Family of Killers Lyndal) about how I was considering working from an island and she was the only person invited we could each have a side of the island and then make sure the surrounding water was shark infested.
About 4.30 today I realised that bad energy and bad moods only make pity parties worse and I am better than that. I have to remember that the medicine hurts but it’s working and that as soon as the blood clot is given the ok I can start the next step to the new me but for now I need to concentrate on the changes I can make the first one being a change of hair colour. It’s time to embrace change and go RED.
Stay tuned for a vibrant change 🙂
But I believe I’m ready
for what love has to bring
I’ve got myself together
Now i’m ready to sing.
< Linking up with the fabulous Jess for another IBOT>