I used to have this theory that all my weight gain came down to a Strawberry Donut. One of those pink iced sprinkled donuts. I held onto this theory for years. It wasn’t just the donut it was what that donut represented for me the pink icing the sprinkles a donut flavour I had never particularly liked it all represented Willpower it was the first time I gave in to my willpower. I felt so ashamed (of a donut I know how pathetic it sounds)
I was not quite 10 years old when my father passed and for a week I ate nothing, I lost all appetite all thought for food and when I finally did decide to eat something it was a chocolate biscuit it was quickly followed by another and another essentially attempting to fill the void with chocolate biscuits. I was not what you would call an athletic kid but I was an incredibly active kid, gymnastics, swimming, physical culture and the thing that was my entire life dancing (ballet in particular).
So there was I was a 10 year old ballerina who was chubby and I wasn’t a kiddie who was doing it for fun I was in it for the long haul and my dancing teacher was forced to have a whispered conversation with my mum. Next thing I know I’m the youngest person at a Weight Watchers meeting. I followed a Weight Watchers eating plan for years in a mere 6 months I had lost all the weight I needed too and then some I was a beautiful ballerina and I stayed that way for years and whilst in some ways it was difficult the freedom I had in dancing was worth any sacrifice.
Then just before I was 14 I had come home from dancing aching legs and sweaty body and on the way to the shower I looked in the fridge god knows why and there in the fridge was a tray of iced donuts, not an unusual thing mum would buy them if they were on special on shopping day I was never tempted to try one and then before i could even control it my hand reached into the fridge and grabbed the first one before I ran into the bathroom, locked the door and ate it. I felt gross, disgusted with myself but in my mind it was too late that was the straw that broke the camels back.
My relationship with food ever since has not been great and I am sure it will be explored in more detail as the blog rolls on but I guess the reason why I mention the donut at all is because it’s only today that I’ve realised no one thing has gotten me to the size that I am now. Rather than looking at what was I choose to concentrate on what is.
The Rach that is at the moment is the one who now does a lap around the office every hour. She walks down to the local duckpond every afternoon. She has found her feet and now nothing is going to break her stride.
< this post is for IBOT linking up with Jess for the first time!! >