I have a fear of parties…other peoples and my own. I have had it for as long as I can remember. It’s a fear of meeting new people who may not like me and a fear of hosting people who are not having fun. But my biggest fear has always been having a party where everyone cancels at the last minute.
Last Thursday I turned 30 a milestone of a birthday and one which I was happy to approach I am not one of these women who fears getting older infact having dealt with a lot of grief and loss I think I tend to think of it as more of a privilege to get to age. On Saturday my husband threw me a Hollywood themed 30th Birthday, he organised and executed everything for this party I was touched and shocked (he is not the organised type) but on friday night and then all day Saturday my worst fear was recognised.
I got text message after text message from friends who were cancelling on the party at last minute. 16 in total. This is in no way a dig at any of them each had a legitimate reason this is just recognition of my worst fear (well party related fear). I was left feeling downheartened and a bit rejected. I had a moment when I suggested to the hubby that we cancel it but he and my friend Sarah talked me around and I’m so glad they did.
I got ready for the party feeling apprehensive and I’ll admit for the first hour I really wasn’t feeling it but something clicked (it may or may not have been vodka related). I relaxed and enjoyed myself infact I had an amazing time and at some point today between the hangover cure that is the Sausage and Egg McMuffin (no hate ok my body was screaming for it) and the swim I went for I realised something. If this was one of my worst fears- ultimately the fear of rejection and I survived then is there anything I can’t do?
I guess I could try to word it eloquently or I could just use the words by Eric Idle that hit home tonight “If life seems jolly rotten, There’s something you’ve forgotten, And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing. When you’re feeling in the dumps, Don’t be silly chumps Just purse your lips and whistle – that’s the thing. Always look on the bright side of life”