I’ve written blogs before. I usually lose momentum or interest after a while but I suppose the most successful blog I have ever maintained was one named Operation Lose A Cameron where my goal was weight-loss and lots of it.
At the time my long term best friend was a guy called Cameron who weighed a grand total of 50 kilos…..Over the course of several months I lost 23 kilos and then total surprise for a long term PCOS girl fell pregnant but it wasn’t meant to be and we lost our little jellybean. I tried to keep blogging, I tried to keep up the healthy lifestyle but the truth is I lost all ability to deal with it….weight-loss, health these things lacked any importance the sadness and the pain were all too real I threw myself into anything I could. Work….planning the fellas 30th which was held just 2 weeks after…I was still bleeding I was so exhausted and I was so determined to keep our pain and suffering silent…..what i discovered is that it helped to talk about it and it hurt to talk about it.
I had at the time 2 friends and a sister who were all pregnant I wanted so much to be happy for them and I was happy for them but at the same time it was devastating for me, so completely difficult to be around those who had what I wanted. Wanted and yet hadn’t realised how much I wanted it until it was gone.
It’s taken time, over a year really for me to take real joy in other peoples children to feel like it is more than just rolling with the punches. It’s taken that time for me to want to take care of me again. So here I am pretty much back at the start staring at the finish line, it’s not close not at all. This isn’t a sprint this is a marathon and slow and steady will win this race.
This is not the resurrection of Operation Lose a Cameron because in life cruel ironies I lost a Cameron just not the weight kind…the person kind (a story for another day). That then was an operation and the first cut truly was the deepest but this now is just life and life is hard…….but hopeful.